Again, I’ll respect the 3rd party individuals involved and mask any names to avoid embarrassment and to lessen my chances of getting my ass kicked.

About 5 years ago

Mikey, her brother Will and I were eating at El Imperial mexican restaurant on the north side of Houston, Tx. We’d been to the Renaissance Festival that day and stopped in for a margarita and a bite to eat. Mikey purchased one of those head garments from the festivel, made of vine and flowers, kind of like a crown. This older white lady sitting by us commented that she really liked it and struck up a conversation with us about the RenFest. Throughout dinner we spoke with her and her man (I never figured out the depth of their relationship), this unassuming laid back black dude in running pants and flip flops. We spoke to them throughout dinner and invited them to a local bar to play pool and hang out, they accepted.

New Friendships

They met us at the little bar back by the pool tables. The guy, we’ll call him Jon, picked up the first round of drinks and we put some money in the pool table. We were at the bar for probably less than an hour when the pool table broke, so we moved to the second table and had a few more rounds. With each round we had I could see this chick turning into an irritated bitter drunk. I was really getting along with the guy, we we’re cracking one another up and had some good conversation, so I let his lady friend off the hook for getting a little rude. Believe it or not the last working table actually broke. Jon told us he had a table at his house and that we’d made a good impression and he’d be more than happy to have us over to play a few games. We accepted his offer and followed him back to his house.

WTF

We got behind his ladies car, I think it was a Jeep Cherokee with some rims on it and followed them back to his place. We drove for a little while and approached a very affluent neighborhood and then they turned in. I was thinking to myself… wtf, man I didn’t expect this and then I got really fucking confused because we turned into the gated area of this affluent neighborhood. Now we’re in this awesome neighborhood, in the gated area on the golf course and we pull up to this amazing house with a winding cobblestone driveway. This was the last place I expected to end up this night.. or any other for that matter. As we followed them around the side of the house on the cobblestone driveway, we saw the 4 or 5 car garage, they got out of her car and he waved us on. He said welcome to my home, opened the back door and let us in.

I don’t get star-struck

I’ve never been star-struck before and not sure I really could be. There might be a few people but I realize that people are all the same, money and fame can afford them opportunities and possessions, but at the end of the day we all eat, sleep, shit, piss and have problems in some form or fashion. With that said, as we entered Jon’s house through the backdoor we could see all the cars in his garage, a very impressive collection. If I’m not mistaken, he had a Bently, Land Rover, Escalade and a Porsce that just happened to have a few flat tires. I joked with him, “I bet this ones fast”, as I kicked the deflated tire. From the garage entrance, he opened a door to the kitchen.

Have you ever seen the holy grail?

When Jon opened the door, we stepped into the kitchen it was a really nice octagonal shape, all the amenities you would expect it to have. But when he walked us through to the adjoining living room it was unbelievable. Floor to ceiling, the whole width of the back of the house was nothing but window. The huge 20 foot plus windows overlooked his pool and the golf course with some very fancy lighting outside. Mikey and his girl made drinks in the kitchen and he invited Will and I out to see the course. “You guys can come play here with me anytime”, Jon told us. At this point Will asked what he did for a living and he said he was a running back in the NFL for 10 years. It was a little hard to believe because this guy wasn’t humongous… we walked back inside and his living room was amazing. He had a fish tank that extended almost the whole wall, it must have been 3 or 4′ tall and at least 12′ long. His entertainment center was ridiculous and up until that point I’d never seen a tv so large, not even in the store. He walked us upstairs and we hit the second living room, almost as equally nice as the first. This room was also connected to the game room, and all the photos, trophies, and awards he’d won (or at least some of them) during his career. He had one whole wall of photos taken from his games. There was no denying it, this guy wasn’t bullshitting.

On with the evening

As I said earlier his woman had become increasingly irritated and mean with each drink of alcohol she had. Myself, Jon and Mikey were all chatting it up and she really started picking on me, screaming and cussing at me. At this point Jon was telling her to chill out, we’d done nothing wrong and to leave us alone, we we’re his guests. During our conversations we find out Jon is also a black belt in taekwondo. Hearing this, Will asked Jon if they could wrestle so he could test his skills against someone who was a black belt and played in the NFL. Jon said “sure” and they made room in the upstairs living room. I’ve got to say, wrestling when drinking is never a good idea, especially when you have a drunk aggravated woman in the vicinity. As Will and Jon are making room to wrestle, I go to use the restroom that is on the other side of the room. I start emptying the watersnake and I hear them start to wrestle. I finish my business and walk out of the bathroom. As I exit the bathroom I hear Jon’s woman screaming and yelling.

All good things must come to an end

I open the door as I’m fastening my belt and this crazy chick runs by, grabs my belt buckle stripping me of my belt completely. Now she runs over to Will and Jon who are still just playing around, takes my belt, wraps it around her hands and then around Will’s neck and yanks him off of Jon. She pulls Will to the wall and thankfully he has a hand in between the belt and his neck, but she’s still choking the shit out of him. All of this happened in literally under 10 seconds. I run over to the woman and try to pry Will loose, Jon does the same. At one point he even said, “Let him go you crazy bitch”. Now Mikey is getting all krunk cause this crazy woman is choking her brother out and ALL FUCKING HELL HAS BROKEN LOOSE!!! Jon and I finally get Will loose and now I’m having to hold Mikey off the crazy woman and vise versa. The woman runs downstairs and lets two dogs in who begin barking hysterically as this woman is screaming from the top of her lungs. At this point Jon says “Sorry guys, I think this evenings over, you guys should leave” As we walk down the stiars Jon is yelling at his woman to calm down and be quite, there are two dogs barking, Mikey is still yelling at the crazy lady and then Mikey cant find her purse. Mikey announces this and immediately pisses off Jon who’s response is “I’m a fucking multi-millionaire, I dont need your fucking purse” LOL. We found Mikey’s purse and got the fuck out of there never to hear from them again.

Too bad, Jon seemed like a really nice guy… If you ever read this Jon, hit me up if your not still with that lady… we’ll play some pool.

-Timulator

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