This story isn’t something i’ve personally experienced, but something told to me through some of my grocery friends back in the day. The title does a pretty good job of setting up the story.

Actually, he wasn’t the problem… It was his increasingly crazy drunken lady friend. Before I give too much away, let me take you back to how this all started. You know your boy Timulator gets into some weird shit, and this was no exception. Yes, I just referred to myself in the third person… nice eh?

That boy is now a man, physically, not so much mentally… Anyway, this tale begins some 16 years ago when 3 bright lads decided to raid one of their parents liquor cabinets. One of those little bastards just happened to be me.

Jubilee was the ancient war beast of a cruise ship, the last of it’s kind, literally. I had the awesome opportunity of spending time on this floating roach motel on a cruise to Mexico. I still had fun though, if you call projectile vomit, hysterical crying, and almost getting your finger bit off by a lizard fun. I dont know about you guys, but I had one hell of a time…

I just had a discussion about this in the kitchen at work, since it’s fresh on my mind I figured I’d share. The following is what happens when you grow up in the northern suburbs of Houston, Tx and happen to have a cow pasture nearby. Mix that with boredom and you’ve got one hell of a combination.

Polgize – paul-gyes as in (gy)roscope & eyes (gyes)
& cun-fuse. If you ever find yourself in my company, you’ll hear my friends and I say these words quite often. These are obviously not your everyday words and require special annunciation which is only fair. These two words are 20 years in the making.

This is the first of many posts about some of the crazy people i worked with and how we got ourselves into some crazy shit. Don’t befriend an alcoholic Arab guy running a store, especially if he has “test of bullet” and it’s his “Viskey” (whiskey) night… even if there’s free beer and snacks involved. Mama always said stay away from strangers with candy…

You might want to read this before you start reading the other crazy Grocery Daze category posts. I give a little background to the stores, crazy ass characters (bulleted list), and general randomness that occurred during this period of my life.

I was 13 or 14 years old, stood about 4’ 9”, with a 90-pound frame. Give me a break, I hit puberty late… I soon realized my friend alcohol and I had the perfect relationship. I’d drink alcohol, and alcohol would get me drunk. That is of course until the evening that we met our arch nemeses… Blackout & Hangover.